I hate when something resists me, when I know I can do it but my body says otherwise. When I am able to tame the anxiety in my brain but not in my body in short when I don't have control over something. I am someone who likes to be in control and doesn't let go of it very easily.
So on saturday morning when I joined a TCSD group for a memorial swim at Fletcher Cove I was like I can do this. I was a little intimidated as usual by a crowed I don't know. In these instances I cling to the few people I do know. The ocean was far from quiet and inviting and when I entered the water by body reacted as it usually do by making me feel like I can't breathe! So instead of swimming with all the others I hung out in the back holding on to Nancy's board. Once I calmed down I was able to swim 20 strokes, stop go again. I was even able to get into a rythm but for such a short period of time.
The positive is that I went when really it would have been OK for me to say you know what this doesn't look like fun, I did relax at some point and I did enjoy it too. I am still a little disappointed that it takes me 10 minutes to relax and that I don't really move forward at all.
However if I wasn't part of GOTRIBal and didn't meet all the great women I did I would still be sitting on the beach looking in envy to all those athletes. Now I know that one day I will be one of them. The evil voice in my head wished it was yesterday!
I have to admit that I do feel the few strokes from yesterday and probably the swim from friday too. Today I am planning a BRICK. With my family visiting, my training has been a little flaky but hey that's what it is all about life! The race is next week and I am getting the jitters a little but I am confident at the same time.
Other than that my sister went back home with her family. It is great to see that cousins living so far apart (Germany/US) are getting along so well.