Soooo as many of you know I'm pretty darn harsh on myself and my new found liking for triathlon hasn't helped either. Something that I didn't realize is that in the world of triathlon the most competitive age groups for women are 30-34, 35-39, 40-44 and probably still a little 45-49. I started in the sport at the beginning of the curve and since I'm pretty darn competitive I feel down because I have trouble placing in the first 50% of my age group. What I have a tendency to forget is that a) I haven't really done anything competitive in terms of sport in my entire life, b) I haven't really worked out that hard in my entire life i kept busy but nothing really major.
I am competing with people that have been collegiate swimmers or runners!
So a few days ago I felt pretty good about my upcoming race. Then I had the bad idea to look a little bit deeper. That's when I realized that I moved age group, I'm now competing in the 35-39 which is fiercer than the 30-34. Then I looked at the splits of previous year results to see what it would take for me to be in the top 40% of my age group. Well it is going to be tough!
So then I started my self pity/destructive game and whine I don't shine.
I firmly believe that most people shine one way or another. That you don't have to be Chrissie Wellington to achieve something amazing. Yes she has won every single ironman she has done and she has blown away the best time for women by a long shot. She represents that with hard work you do succeed. She isn't like the rest of us though the ones that have to fit their workout into a already busy life.
So why can't I aknowledge to myself that eventhough I won't probably make it in the top 40% of my age group that it is OK that it really doesn't matter. What matters is that I gave everything I got that I tried. That I can look back on that day and say given the circumstances I did all I could and I should be proud of that.
Well I'm working on that last part because really what is important isn't the race is the journey. I should be proud of the fact that even when I'm tired, busy I still put my tennis shoes on and go for a run etc...
So during my run yesterday since I was trying to motivate to push the pace to try hard to not give up to not stop I was thinking of all the people I know that shine and that believe in me when I don't.
To finish this weird pshyco babble post, "You haven't failed until you stop trying!"
I have to believe that I can succeed I have to believe that I gave all I could I have to stop that little voice in my head that says really are you sure you tried hard enough, are you sure you gave all you have!
Thanks to BCC my nb 1 fan who once said he loved me because I try no matter what I do whine a lot though but eventually I will try, all the people who lend a sympatic ear to my whining about being down not being enough, nevertap, bunny, bex, mary, nikki.
Thinking about how you shine everyday carried me through a 3.9M run at a 9:25min/miles and while some are faster than me. I was faster than a few weeks ago and that is the important part!